Adolescence has captivated audiences across the globe, and sparked much conversation about navigating the new age of social media, and what this means for our children. The show has cast light on aspects of our modern world that we may have ignored for too long. For me, it reflected discussions I’d been having with colleagues, both in the educational and psychological field. It articulated fears that are not easy to sum up, and concerns about young people that transcend the individual, to the systemic and social landscapes they live in. We saw how these factors can interconnect, and have devastating consequences. The show tells the story of Jamie, through the eyes of himself, his parents and his school. Jamie is arrested for the violent murder of a female classmate, and we are taken on a journey with the systems around him to uncover ‘what went wrong’. We soon see that Jamie had been accessing Incel culture online, contributing to the development of misogynistic views and ultimately, devastating violence towards a young girl. We witness how multiple factors have led to this tragedy, so let’s take some time to unpack these from a psychological perspective.
Understanding us
Firstly, let’s consider our reaction, and the collective fear that this show has shone a light on, particularly for parents and those who work with young people. This story was described by my colleagues as ‘a parent’s worst nightmare’: a fear that Jamie may reflect what could happen to any young boy, with the seemingly infinite access to the online world. I wonder whether this collective fear is about feeling out of control. As a child develops into adolescence, we undoubtedly become less connected to their everyday experiences. We cannot always control who they speak to, what they consume, how they are treated at school, how the government funds their schools, and so on. This lack of control feels infinite, now that the online world is in the hands of our younger generation. Barry Mason (1993) discusses how there is both safe uncertainty (i.e. it is okay to not know), and unsafe uncertainty (it feels threatening to not know). Perhaps this show represents the latter.
Control feels safe: it is predictable and secure, with clear boundaries. Regions beyond our control however, feel uncertain and unsafe. Anxiety thrives in uncertainty: it exists to make us fear what might happen. While anxiety ultimately helps us survive high risk situations, it is less helpful sat on our sofas, that sense of dread growing in the pit of our stomach. If we cannot control things, we can feel paralysed and helpless. Despite this, perhaps this collective fear may motivate a change: we can use this dread to fuel what we can control. On an individual level, we may consider our behaviour as parents, and how we can educate and equip our children at home. As a society, we may consider what we can implement to support our young boys and avoid radicalisation. I’ll discuss these aspects later on.
Understanding Jamie
So what about Jamie? How can we understand his experience? One very key factor is stated in the title: adolescence. That transitional stage where we have new developmental goals to fulfil. Hall (1904) described it as a period of ‘storm and stress’, with 3 key components: conflict with parents, mood disruptions, and risk behaviour.
Creating a self-identity is one of the most significant pursuits of adolescence, as young people move away from reliance on the family, and towards realising themselves as individuals. The peer group takes centre stage, as they develop their sense of self in relation to their peers. Consequently, familial relationships take a back seat. Naturally, this can result in anxiety for teenagers, and higher emotional sensitivity in general. As might be expected, many mental health concerns make their first appearance during this stage. I’ve worked with many young people plagued by concerns of what others think of them, and weighed down by peer pressure. Young people are yet to feel secure in their place in the world, and thus take external cues from peers about what they should be thinking or doing.
Notably, the adolescent brain is also not fully developed until age 25. The logical, rational parts of our brain are yet to be fully formed: this is often known as the ‘right’ brain as opposed to the left, more emotion driven side. This part of the brain is in charge of our executive functions: i.e. logic, analytic thinking, and problem solving. Therefore teenagers may be less able to understand consequences and make informed, appropriate decisions. They are also more likely to take risks, or engage in impulsive behaviour. These behaviours enable them to explore their limits, find their identity, and seek independence. Indeed, Jack Thorne, writer of Adolescence, states that Jamie was partly the product of “a brain that didn’t stop him”. In the final shot, with Jamie’s cuddly toy tucked up in bed, we are reminded of his infantile state: he was vulnerable, impressionable, and isolated. Notably, we still live in a society where young boys often feel unable to talk, open up, or ask for help. Stereotypes in pop culture and wider society feed into this, as well as expectations and roles imposed in family settings. The good news is, adolescence brings heightened plasticity in the brain: there is capacity for the brain to adapt and modify as it takes on new learning. There is hope for help.
When you consider adolescence as an experience, it becomes more understandable that an online path might tempt a young person into extreme views and behaviours. These spaces online promise an identity, belonging, and a place to direct the intense feelings that arise in this stage of life. It’s become even harder to find community in the UK in recent years: over 1000 youth centres have been closed since 2010, causing children to lean more and more into their technology. For Jamie, Incel culture offered a compelling argument as to why he was isolated, or not well liked. Jamie’s feelings may have been a natural part of being a teenager, but his access to dark corners of the internet intensified and morphed them into hate. Unfortunately, algorithms can create an echo chamber that is incredibly hard to get out of, feeding viewers content that is seemingly endless and increasingly radical. Over time, alternative views are filtered out and beliefs strengthen. We certainly see that Jamie was exploring his place in the world, and unfortunately the space that invited him in was incredibly harmful and oppressive. We catch glimpses of the toxic masculinity that has embedded within Jamie throughout the episodes, in Jamie’s interactions with his Mum and the female psychologist, and ultimately in an act of extreme violence.
Understanding the context
No child exists in a vacuum. We watch Jamie’s parents and their pain feels visceral. At the end, they grapple with their responsibility in Jamie’s crime, coming to the realisation that they ‘should have done more’. In psychology, we often use the idea of a ‘good enough parent’: no parent can ever be perfect, and part of being a parent may be accepting this. This is a difficult feat because we care and of course want the best for them. It appears that Jamie’s parents were doing their best with two children in the current economy of the UK. Whilst they may not have been very present, we must recognise that socioeconomic hardship limited what choices they could and couldn’t make. That being said, we know from decades of attachment research that being present and emotionally available is crucial to the development of our young people. Strong attachments at home provide a template for positive relationships elsewhere, as well as emotional resilience and wellbeing. Secure attachments allow children to venture off, make mistakes, and return for support. Perhaps Jamie did not feel able to seek this support from his parents, and perhaps this was influenced by internalised shame about his ‘masculinity’ and what it means to ask for help as a boy.
We watch the psychologist try to unpick where Jamie’s beliefs have originated. She is trying to develop a formulation: an understanding of the presenting issues. Of course, multiple factors are involved, but there is validity to turning to the family to understand this. Children observe and take in family beliefs, scripts, and behavioural patterns. They learn about the world, the people in it, and how to behave, from the role models they have access to. Families have great power to shape their children’s view of the world. This extends from family to our culture too – there is undoubtedly established sexism in multiple facets of our society, which has the power to influence our young people. Research shows that 1 in 4 women experience sexual assault (Rape Crisis, 2025) and conviction rates are incredibly low. What does this tell young boys about young women? We hear about pictures being shared at Jamie’s school and it seems that sexual abuse has been normalised.
Another key system in Jamie’s life is school. It appears that his school was unable to see these issues, prevent, or intervene as these issues escalated. Again, it is important to recognise that we saw the teachers trying their utmost in an underfunded, understaffed, and under-resourced state school system. But we need to acknowledge that schools have great power to influence the course of a child’s life, and prevent difficulties. This can be preventative: a friend of mine, who is a teacher, recently initiated an educational session for students about toxic masculinity, after noticing harmful narratives arising. We saw how narratives about girls not being important to listen to, were reinforced and thickened at Jamie’s school, and we repeatedly saw disrespect towards female teachers. Schools have the power to support young people to feel valued, seen, and heard. They can support positive relationship building and respect. However, schools can only intervene if the government fund them to do so. Indeed, the show’s writer Jack Thorne said in a recent interview ‘I want it to be shown in schools, I want it to be shown in Parliament’. He was hoping for the show to influence systemic change. In order to take a preventative approach, we need to fund not only schools, but mental health services and community centres. We need to build a society where children are able to feel valued, seen, and helped. Systems are only able to do this when they have time, resources, and headspace to do so.
Overall, there is not one simple answer to ‘what went wrong’, and perhaps not knowing feels hard for us. As parents and professionals, we feel like we should know – we are often positioned as the ‘expert’. However there is no doubt that this show has enabled us to pause, reflect, and consider what needs to change. Whilst there are multiple systemic failings at play here, as individuals and families, we have power to consider what is within our control, and enact change as best we can.
Ideas for parents of teens
- Model positive relationships and respect for others, regardless of their race, gender, ability. Model asking for help when you need it.
- Own your mistakes in front of your child; it can be invaluable for children to grow up hearing their parents/carers recognise their own mistakes and apologise for this e.g., if you made an insensitive comment, raised your voice, argued with your partner in front of child.
- Focus on your relationship with your teen. Show interest in their interests. Try not to ignore their bids for connection: let them approach you on their terms and pay attention to what they’re showing/asking you. Spend quality time with them where you can.
- Provide family structure, routine and boundaries. Young people need boundaries to feel safe and secure.
- Discipline their choices, not character. Ensure they feel loved and understood even as you are stepping into an authority position.
- Consider the media consumed within the home, e.g. which films/shows are being shown, or chosen. Do these encourage respecting/celebrating differences?
- Consider your child’s use of social media – the apps they use, where they are allowed to use it, etc. No one can tell you what boundaries are ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ here. It is for you to consider what works and where your teen is at. You may want to consider parental controls, but this won’t work for every family.
- Champion difference in the home – do your best to not let stereotypes in, and question them when they do. Talk about men who open up and ask for help, female CEO’s and leaders, and so on.
- Above all, believe in the good of your child and make space for it: notice their strengths, encourage them, and celebrate their successes.
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