Anxiety is one of the most common emotions children and young people experience, but it’s also one of the most misunderstood. Clinical Psychologist Pauline Tapping joined by Assistant Psychologist Ruby Cole to explore what anxiety looks like, how it develops, and the simple, practical things parents can do to support their child day to day.
What is anxiety?
Anxiety is a completely normal emotion. Pauline explains that everyone experiences it at some point, and that it’s not always a bad thing. It’s our body’s built-in alarm system, designed to keep us safe. For children, though, this alarm can sometimes go off too often or too loudly.
“Anxiety can be both a feeling in the body and a thought in the mind,” she says. Children might describe feeling sick, having a racing heart, or worrying that something bad will happen. Often, their fears feel much bigger than the actual risk, like being convinced a plane will crash or a friend secretly dislikes them.
When anxiety grows out of proportion like this, children may try to avoid the thing that scares them. Avoidance feels safer in the moment, but over time it strengthens the anxiety instead of shrinking it.
Next steps and takeaways
Some anxiety is normal as it is how we respond to stress or danger. However, it becomes a problem when it interferes with everyday life.
Reassure your child that their feelings are real but help them notice when their “worry brain” might be exaggerating the threat.
When anxiety becomes a problem
Most children worry about something now and then – a test, a friendship, a big change at school. But Pauline suggests looking at the impact anxiety has on their life. If it’s preventing them from doing normal activities, like going to school, joining a club, or visiting the dentist, it might be time to seek support.
She explains that anxiety can also grow gradually. “A child might start by worrying and then begin avoiding,” Pauline says. “The longer that avoidance continues, the stronger the fear becomes.” Recognising this early gives families the best chance to step in before those fears become overwhelming.
Next steps and takeaways
Notice patterns, when and where does anxiety show up?
Keep a log of what your child avoids and how often.
If it’s limiting school, friendships, or family life, reach out to a professional for help.
What anxiety feels like in the body
Although we often talk about anxiety as a mental health issue, it affects the whole body. Pauline explains that when a child feels anxious, their brain releases adrenaline, preparing them to fight, flee, or freeze. This can cause racing heartbeats, quick breathing, tense muscles, and nausea.
Children might say they have butterflies in their tummy, feel dizzy, shaky, or sweaty. “Those physical symptoms are their body’s way of saying something feels unsafe,” Pauline explains.
If these sensations appear repeatedly, especially in similar situations like before school or bedtime, it’s worth considering whether anxiety could be the cause. Pauline reassures parents to check physical symptoms with a GP if they’re unsure, but also to be open to the idea that emotional stress can feel very real in the body.
Next steps and takeaways
Name what you see: “It looks like your tummy feels funny when you’re nervous.”
Help your child make the connection between their thoughts and physical feelings.
Teach calming techniques such as slow breathing or holding something comforting.
Co-regulation and the “recipe for calm”
Co-regulation is the idea that children borrow our calm to find their own. When a parent stays steady, the child’s nervous system begins to settle too. Pauline encourages parents to see themselves as the “anchor” during anxious moments.
She also uses a creative tool in her sessions which is called a “mental health recipe book.” “We think about what their ‘recipe for calm’ might look like,” she says. “It could be a pinch of chocolate, a tablespoon of snuggles, or a dash of music.” This approach helps children identify what soothes them in a fun, accessible way.
Next steps and takeaways
Create a “recipe for calm” together at home using drawings or photos.
Include sensory comforts and favourite activities.
Keep it somewhere visible for your child to refer to when they’re struggling.
Anxiety and neurodivergence
All children experience anxiety, but for neurodivergent children – those with Autism, ADHD, or sensory processing differences – emotions can feel more intense or harder to explain. Pauline notes that some children “might not have the words for emotions, but they feel them in their body.” Instead of saying, “I’m sad,” they might say, “I feel blue,” or simply withdraw.
Two tools Pauline finds particularly helpful are The Zones of Regulation and The Incredible 5-Point Scale.
The Zones of Regulation uses colours to represent emotional states:
- Blue Zone – feeling tired, sad, or lacking energy.
- Green Zone – calm, happy, and focused.
- Yellow Zone – stressed, frustrated, or excited.
- Red Zone – intense emotions like panic, anger, or overwhelm.
“It’s a way for children to understand their emotions without needing words,” Pauline explains. Parents and children can then talk about what helps them move back towards the green zone.
The Incredible 5-Point Scale builds on this idea, using numbers from 1 (calm) to 5 (overwhelmed). Together, families write or draw what each number looks and feels like, and what helps at that stage, whether it’s taking deep breaths, finding a quiet space, or holding a comfort object. “We map out what each stage looks like and what helps,” says Pauline. “That way, when a child feels anxious, they already have a plan.”
Next steps and takeaways
Use colour or number systems to help your child name their feelings.
Keep visuals visible around the home.
Praise your child when they recognise how they feel, this builds emotional awareness and control.
Easy ways to help a child manage anxiety
- Keep routines consistent – Predictability builds safety. Keep mornings, bedtimes, and mealtimes as regular as possible.
- Create a calm space at home – A soft blanket, warm light, or sensory toy can help them feel grounded.
- Offer comfort through the senses – Touch, taste, and smell all help regulate the body.
- Stay calm yourself – Children mirror your calm more than your words.
- Practise grounding and breathing – Try the simple “smell the flower, blow the candle” technique.
- Use distraction gently – Activities like colouring or baking help redirect focus.
- Build your “recipe for calm” – Make it visual and fun to personalise.
- Acknowledge, don’t dismiss – Swap “Don’t worry” for “I can see this feels hard.”
- Celebrate small steps – Every bit of bravery matters.
- Encourage talking or writing – Journaling or drawing can be powerful outlets.
How psychologists help
When a child starts therapy, the first step is building trust. Pauline describes spending time getting to know each child through play, art, or conversation before exploring what’s really going on. “You can’t just sit a young person in a room and expect them to talk,” she says. “You have to build a relationship first.”
Once that connection is made, she pieces together what might be driving the anxiety, looking at when it started, what was happening in their life, and any family history that might help explain patterns.
Therapy then focuses on creating new, healthier ways of coping. Pauline describes it as “snipping” old, unhelpful patterns of thinking and behaviour and helping children replace them with ones that work better for them and their families.
Next steps
Seek professional help if anxiety is persistent or escalating.
A psychologist can help identify the triggers behind your child’s anxiety and teach them new tools to manage it.
Early support can stop small worries from becoming overwhelming fears.
Final thoughts
Pauline reminds parents that anxiety is both common and treatable. “If you have a child with anxiety, you’re managing it in the moment and doing your best to help them calm down,” she says. “Figure out what soothes them and try to reduce avoidance behaviours, because those only make anxiety stronger.”
With understanding, patience, and the right support, children can learn to face fears, try again, and build confidence in managing their feelings.
If you’re looking for support for your child or family, get in touch with us at CAYP Psychology. Our team of Clinical Psychologists can provide guidance and tailored assessments to help children and young people feel more confident and emotionally secure.
About Dr Pauline Tapping
Dr Pauline Tapping is a highly specialised Clinical Psychologist with over 17 years of experience supporting children, young people, and families. She holds a Doctorate in Clinical Psychology from the University of Manchester and is registered with the British Psychological Society (BPS). Pauline has worked across CAMHS, Paediatric Psychology, and Learning Disability services, offering a range of evidence-based therapies, and has specialist training in Autism and ADHD assessments (ADOS-2). Her approach is compassionate, collaborative, and centred around helping children and families build emotional resilience and wellbeing. Dr Tapping offers online therapeutic service for CAYP Psychology, do be in touch if you would like to enquire about sessions for your child.
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